Thursday, January 17, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

Okay so I guess I might be having a bad day.. I don't know if I'm depressed..  Maybe I am.. maybe I am just overwhelmed.. maybe I'm stressed, anxious, desperate.. I have no freaking idea..

I do know that I've struggled all day.. Most days I wake up, take my medicine.. deal with my aches and pains, watch TV, eat, sleep and than start all over again..  Today however has been a little different.. For one my insurance drug plan made me start a new insulin.. NOT FUN by the way..
I also have felt extremely alone (not that I haven't felt alone before, because I have) but today was for whatever reason especially hard.. not sure why.. just this overwhelming forgotten feeling..

and yet here I sit... queasy, hurting, tired and alone.. Stay Humble The End

Monday, January 14, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

I haven't slept at all tonight .. my legs have been hurting.. I did turn off everything and lay down for a bit but I couldn't shut my eyes.. I should have taken some medication earlier to try and get some rest but now it would only make me sleep all day.. and I have enough problems with trying to get to sleep at night .. don't need to get my days and nights mixed up.. 

My dog is laying here looking at me, he is confused because it is so silent at this hour and I am awake clicking on this keyboard. I know he probably thinks what could she be doing at this hour.. if she would just lay down and shut her eyes.. whenever I am awake like this he looks like he is trying to say .. I love you but could you please turn off the light..

The End

Friday, January 11, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

Well I hate to say it but I need to sound off about a few things..

I was just prescribed a medication that hopefully would relieve some of my depression and anxiety, however after the first dose I started to feel agitated, blood pressure problems and have some minor allergic reactions.  So unfortunately I can't continue this medication.. Back to square one..

Secondly I watched on TV last night the Monica and Bill documentary on ABC, which confirmed what I had recently seen in The Clinton Affair on A and E, both shows documented the story of how the affair started and was eventually revealed to the public.  I remember the real life scandal of Bill Clinton's affair while in office.. and unfortunately no matter how sad it was than it is even more disappointing today to watch the shameful events that took place while Bill Clinton was President..

I am sure I am not the only woman that knows men such as Bill Clinton who are not only pervs, but so to speak self gratifying sex addicts. Furthermore their shameful womanizing ways are literally a part of their makeup and one that no matter how disgusting is allowed by those around them.. I know Monica was naive but she also has to understand she was walking around like a school girl infatuated with the notion that she had something special with the President of the United States. Who was not only married but had a child.  Naive doesn't excuse her from being someone who also did a grave injustice of her role in the White House.  Think about it anyone working within the White House has to know the difference between right and wrong.. and in my eyes if she was clueless than why didn't she just flaunt her affair to everyone.. why be so secretive.. she very well knew it was wrong.  It makes me sad that men in general that act like hound-dogs are given (at least in the past) a long leash in which to act like cavemen.. but really Bill Clinton was our President and while I can't speak for other presidents in the past which I have heard unfortunately stories about .. I can speak on Bill Clinton and how appalled I was that when this scandal first broke when he was in office and there were people everywhere that stated that his extramarital affair didn't effect how he was as a president.. Shameful

However now watching this rehashed scandal play out in multiple documentaries makes me feel as though Monica is trying to play the victim along side the Me Too movement and make monetary gain from her cooperation with the documentaries.. Again this is a truly sad and disgusting scandal to have to revisit.. Literally think about it she may have been naive but she willing did those sorted things with him .. she sit waiting for him to call in hopes she would have a chance to be with him if only for those lewd moments.. and you can never convince me she wasn't heartbroken when she realized she was just a woman acting like a schoolgirl who needed a reality check ..

If I had been Linda Tripp I can honestly say I would have been even quicker to spill the beans on Monica and tell her how clueless she was acting.. Grow-up for goodness sake.. Act like someone equally as worthy of working in the White House..

Truly sad..

Finally I want to sound off about Surviving R. Kelly.. Really since when did we give celebrities a free pass to be disgusting pervs.. Yes I get it .. R. Kelly to many people has been a great artist .. but if you listen to the music and the documentary you must consider some of the songs we thought were great were instead music he had written driven by his sexual perversions.. Bump and Grind, Ignition.. I can remember those songs vividly and it wasn't like I knew them word for word.. or the hidden message behind the songs.. and yes I remember hearing about the video but I never watched it or knew the truth.. as I am sure many other people didn't .. I do however blame the people he surrounded himself with.. Yes I heard them say how he was their employer and what could they do, they needed the paycheck.. Really someone has to tell you that speaking up and doing the right thing.. was the course of action you should have taken..

In many ways the Me Too movement has caused everyone to step up and now speak the truth but did it really take all this time to pass before the shades were lifted.. Another sad carriage of injustice..

I will say however Me Too should embrace the R. Kelly victims because I also lived in a domestic violence relationship and I do not doubt that they lived that life.. being degraded, and isolated is typical of domestic violence.. and it is also typical that victims are blinded (if not brain washed) into thinking they are loved or wanted by the perpetrator.. Also you have to remember these women saw R. Kelly as a huge artist that in many cases was going to help them in the industry..

I was appalled at the documentary Surviving R. Kelly but more so because not only was he allowed by those around him to continue when they said they saw what was happening but after the video came out they continued to look the other way.. even the legal process didn't do a full investigation and charge him as a predator..

I can only say that I think the time of covering lewd behavior is gone .. it is time that we all are held accountable and to a higher standard..

The End

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

Well here I sit at almost 6 am in the morning, I woke up crying this morning... bad dream I guess you could say .. I have them ever so often, about things I wish I could change in my life.. about being left alone in this world ( or at least that is how I feel ).. all those ghosts I guess I carry around with me.. either way .. I woke up having one of those dreams and crying, heart racing.  I guess the dream was spurred by my visit with my new doctor.. we were talking about my past and the feelings I have buried.. I said that I take full blame for everything and whether it is right to do so .. I do accept the blame because ultimately I am the cause of all the mistakes I have made along the way.. Anyway .. maybe my dream was somehow brought on by that .. all I know I was saying goodbye to someone that I loved and not because I wanted to but they were leaving and I couldn't convince them to stay..
I know that there had been some kind of confrontation and they were walking away, to be honest I don't remember all of it I just felt pain and was crying..

I do remember saying to my doctor that I have looked for happiness all of my life.. only to realize that happiness is something you can never find or hold on to.. instead you just have to find contentment in what you do have at any given time and learn to accept your life for what it is.. and this life I have now .. (and I have most everything anyone could want) is all that I have .. sure I don't have any real joy but I have settled with that .. I am alive at least for now.. and even though I still feel as though my medical conditions are overwhelming and holding me back from feeling good (less physical pain), having more energy, etc .. I am still here fighting.. After all in some ways I still feel like that person of so long ago just grasping to a ledge by my fingertips trying to hold on to my sanity .. Happiness and Joy I know may never come and I can accept that and just like I told my doctor .. I have learned to compartmentalize all those parts of my life and move on.. but I can honestly say I can't control my dreams that sometimes rear their ugly head every so often and remind me of the loss I feel or the love, joy and happiness I still so desperately long for..

Remember breathe.. and take each day one at a time..  The End

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

Today is Saturday .. Was up too early this morning and now I am crashing for sure .. my medications and fatigue are starting to zap my energy for sure.. so I just got out of a brisk bath in order to hopefully allow me to stay motivated to move.. otherwise the day will vanish if you know what I mean.. Have you ever had the day slip away from you and in an instance you realize it is already late afternoon.. not to mention winter weather doesn't help... and technically it is still only January and as of yet winter hasn't even arrived here in Tennessee.

I am hoping to get more movie and TV reviews done today on my blog.. so please visit 

Right now though I just sitting catching up on what shows I regularly watch.. Stay safe everyone this weekend and I will check back in later.. The End..

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

Well it is Thursday and I can't sleep .. just too much silence .. my thoughts won't stop.. my legs are hurting and overall I'm exhausted.. I would take something but than I would feel too tired tomorrow.. so overall that would be counter productive.. if you know what I mean anyways I think most people in my situation ( with medical conditions that is ) feel that you can't win the battle either way you decide .. feeling bad is just a way of life.. and it is funny how some people say that I shouldn't have a negative attitude on how everyday is going to be just another day filled with medical issues.. but I really wish they could feel like me.. for just 48 hours.. I would say 24 but I want them to get a real feel of how I it is to be me ..

For one lets take right this second as I sit perfectly still in a quiet room typing at almost 2am.. My mind wont stop.. thoughts racing through my brain about everything I should do and things I haven't done and things I could.. like here is what you could get done tomorrow if you feel like it.. here is what you need to work on.. and than at some point during all those thoughts I feel either sick at my stomach, burning pain in my legs in which I have to adjust how I am sitting.. feel my heart have some sort of earthquake issue in my chest (irregular beats) and all the while your yawning but realize that your blood pressure is up and your heart is racing so therefore any chance of you lying down will just end up making that looming pain in your head worse.. and you will only toss and turn ..

Well that about gives you an idea of how I am feeling at the present time.. however I do also realize I suddenly need something to drink ..possibly more heart meds and something for nausea.. and in a few hours it will be time for my diabetes meds.. however I prolong getting up because I just don't want to move anymore than I have to.. GEEZ

Here in just the past three years I feel like I have literally started to fall apart.. and not in a gradual way.. in three years I have gone from being a relatively happy person to being someone that should be happy but feels beaten.. sad and alone.. Beaten in the sense as someone recently stated ( I am living with this overwhelming hopelessness ) Yes I know you'd think people would be more uplifting but okay maybe I do have some sort of hopeless feeling .. depression issue .. anxiety nightmare that I am going through.. but

Is it that difficult to assume that I have lived in this nightmarish existence for so long now that I just have gotten use to my medical drama playing out day after day.. not to mention the stress..

Does anyone understand how disheartening it is to go to your doctors and hear we are going to up your meds, order this test, even the pharmacy doesn't leave you alone.. I get texts and emails letting me know I need to refill this medicine and if you don't refill something in a timely manner than it causes a chain of events.. Oh yeah did I mention I started with 2 doctors now I have 6 in just 3 years this is what my life has become ( I literally have to keep my calendar with me at all times to add or change doctors appts, tests and medicine refills in some kind of order ).. so no it is not fun..

I also have decided that maybe moving here was not the best decision I should have made.. because all this attention to my medical conditions obviously hasn't made me better but worse.. maybe it is better not to know what your body is trying to tell you.. not that I didn't realize I had medical problems.. I have known for years that I had medical issues and I was seeing doctors in Kentucky but at least a lot of my aches and pains were swept under the rug.. in other words a lot of my issues were contributed to stress and for the most part my primary care physician would just agree with me, refill my prescriptions and tell me to try and take it easy.. I think both of us knew I was going to be one of those people that just dropped at some point.. which in retrospect that is still the case.. Except now I am in a place that costs way more money than KY and reminds me consistently at how yeap that is what most likely will happen.. I will have a heart attack, stroke, or some sort of event in which I will just be able to make it to a healthcare professional or I won't .. ( I have my bets on myocardial infarction, otherwise known as a heart attack, massive coronary most likely ) either way I will either make it to an ER or I just won't ..

You know it is really sad when you tell your kids to prepare themselves to sue if they have to especially if I have a massive coronary while out driving to pickup my medicine.. and perhaps along with feeling massive chest pain plow into a family and not only die myself but possibly kill innocent people on the road with me .. Since the doctors had me on the table and decided my blockage in my LAD was not worthy of intervention measures.. Nope indeed I needed it to be more closed off like all those people that have say 90 percent blockages and are going through a life event like a massive coronary before I am allowed to have intervention.. Nope someone that comes in like myself because of finding the blockage ahead of that coronary event .. ( preemptive ) well all they had to say was if you start to have a heart attack definitely come back but otherwise continue to deal with your blockage ( and cardiac issues) until you meet the criteria..

Wow .. well for someone that has worked in the healthcare for over 37 years that is discouraging to hear to say the least...and so I deal with it after all there seems to be no other choice for me other than to now gauge everyday on a scale .. of 1 to 10 will this be the day..

Now if I had found a very small tiny bit of cancer really early they would have taken it out and done all the measures they could to fix me and cheered me on at the fact that indeed it had been found early.. and I would now have been given a better chance at recovery.. but no

Literally my physician told me that people walk around with blockages all the time and some like myself just have to wait until some follow-up or event meets the criteria..At which I just said to myself.. yeap I bet they do.. either they get a heart cath early on perhaps because of a history of heart disease and it shows plaque issues and they are told no you don't need a stent just go home on this cholesterol pill .. and they actually jump for joy and go about their way because you a doctor (a god in their eyes) said they would be okay .. or they don't see a doctor until they have a coronary event ..and discover they have a major blockage (heart attack city so to speak) and you do the surgery and luckily they live to tell how they just made it to the hospital and you fixed them .. or what ...All I could do is think so your trying to tell me that a lot of people are out here walking around with chest pain, arrhythmias, uncontrolled high blood pressure and tacky pulse rates along with diabetes and oh yeah a blockage in their LAD which is the widowmaker artery and they are just like me walking around waiting patiently unlike myself.. who is completely depressed, anxious, along with having a feeling of overwhelming dread.. is that what the doctors are trying to tell me ..

Shit.. it is almost 3am now.. I need to just lay down and pray that if I am meant to have a coronary it happens in my sleep and not while driving somewhere (one can only hope right)  The End..

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Taking One Day At A Time

I will be honest I have no idea why today I'm sad but I am, most everyone considers me depressed because of my health and today I definitely would agree more than ever...but I also think I am sad over not being with family.. I talked to my one daughter that lives here on the phone this morning  and I know she is happy and doing her thing today which is fine.. after all she has a lot to be happy about but I know in my heart I was never really in that picture anyway .. so I feel okay about my New Year's resolution of staying to a budget and standing my ground on money issues..

Like I said I know she is doing her thing .. and I guess I am being a good Nana since right now I have Jordy here.. but I was just sitting here daydreaming that I miss my family.. all of them.. My father is in Las Vegas doing his life.. not that we are really that close but I would hope he agrees with me we are in a good place right now..

My mother who I am not close too and lately argued with is doing her life.. with my sister and her kids.. no need to go there other than to say .. it is truly sad to have such a dysfunctional life.. and in many ways I take the blame for the situation I am in..and the distance I have with all of them, especially my oldest ..Words can't even describe the hurt and loss I feel deep within my soul over that.. no words can ever wash away the pain I have carried all these years.. I will just continue to carry it for the remainder of my life.. and can only hope that someday she will come to realize I never ever stopped loving her.

Than my middle daughter .. I have no idea why I feel so distant from her other than she leads a busy life and one that for the most part I understand that I am not apart of.. I am able to chat with her here and there but it is never enough.. I want so much to be able see her more .. but I never go anywhere and well I don't want to bother her after all she stays so busy.. but I miss not only her but being there for my grandkids.. I know they will grow up and never really know me.. which hurts more than she knows..

Then there is my son .. well lets just say I have to remember to breathe and stop crying.. definitely not the way I had envisioned in starting the New Year...  I have to remember this is life.. kids grow up and lead their own lives and well all we can do as a parent of them is to continue to go on even if the path we are on is a lonely one. Families grow apart .. but life goes on until it doesn't .. thank God I have a dog..

The End

Monday, December 31, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Well today is Dec 31st and I have to say I am kinda sad today .. for one I will be by myself.. However I think my grandbaby is coming over for a little while .. which will lift my spirits a bit.. but I still feel a little sad 

Most likely because this has been a unique year for me .. First I found out about the settlement and rec'd the money at the first of the year.. and than I found out about my blockage in April and had to undergo my heart cath which left me without a resolution.. so I am still living with a significant blockage.. and still struggling with all my symptoms .. Than I chose to resign my position due to my health conditions.. but I never would have resigned if it wasn't for my good fortune with the settlement.  Furthermore I am having to fight to get my disability.. which is terribly unfair because I have multiple medical conditions that cause me limited mobility, significant anxiety, depression, pain, and overwhelming fatigue.. however since I was able to resign I have been able to reduce the stress level I was at and am able to be more diligent on taking my medications and dealing with my chronic fatigue.  I am considering having another heart cath sometime this next year but I want to make sure it will result in an medical intervention and provide me with hopefully a good resolution. 

I definitely don't want to die this new year.. so I am trying to take one day at a time.. I still remember what someone said to me once upon a time .. you are in charge of your destiny .. you life is completely in your hands.. and only you can change it..

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Merry Christmas everyone.. well I am 58 and I have been up for hours.. didn't sleep too good last night but I will probably take a long nap after my medicine kick in..

watching the news and hoping that I can watch some good TV shows today or movies.. not much on TV these days.. or maybe I should say far too much to pick from and nothing stands out

Sure wish I had someone significant in my life at these times since it is sad not having someone to share the holidays with.. but I feel old now.. so I guess that rocking chair years are finally a reality for me.. HA HA

Anyway hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year .. Just remember to breathe and take each day as it comes .. Dreams really do come true, if you believe and although I still have some chronic health issues...I am thankful that at least for now I am still here.. God Bless Everyone .. Talk to you later.. MERRY XMAS.. Frohe Weihnachten und Ich Liebe Alle

Monday, December 24, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Today is Christmas Eve and to be honest this is a unique Christmas (Birthday) holiday for me.  I most definitely will be alone this year, as a matter of fact today I cooked a pizza for lunch and most likely I will just eat leftovers tomorrow.  Don't worry though I am fine with it.. This year however is the first year since the doctors found my LAD blockage and the first Christmas since I resigned my job.  I have no idea what 2019 holds for me but I am trying my best to just take each day at a time and focus on myself in the coming year.. Wish me luck and happy birthday after all tomorrow is Christmas and I turn 58 ( whoopee ) .. I pray that I continue to live to see 59 next year.  Right now I am just sitting watching TV and blogging.. I am still trying to get over being sick with the flu but happily I am doing better .. Tomorrow I expect Jordyn will come to see what Santa got her, which it won't be all that much really but she has everything so she doesn't really need that much .. at least that is what I am sure Santa would say.. after all he has so many kids to get for.. 

Every time she is here I tell her stories of memories I have of Santa and my times with my grandfather.. which would be her great great great grandfather .. I told her he knew Mickey Mouse and he introduced me to him when I was just a wee little girl like her.. I told her I remember some of the toys Santa left for me but I never got electronics.. because they didn't have them back then...

The End

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Well today is Dec 16th 2018 and I am sickly and not in the regular way.. I have some version of common flu symptoms however I did get a flu shot this year.. past two days have been really rough but I think it is finally breaking up enough to allow me to finally feel like fixing myself a home cooked meal .. which is a good thing because I ate the last of the cereal yesterday..

I woke up so many times last night trying to breathe not to mention my throat has been so uncomfortable.. but at the present time I just feel like sleeping the day away.. I just have to wait to get some food in my stomach and than  maybe I can rest ..

I have the humidifier running and am just trying to watch a few of my shows.. and blog until lunch is cooked..

I will try to get back on here tonight..  

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Well today is 12/8/18, and its getting closer to the anniversary of the day I rec'd the whistleblower settlement  .. I know this seems like it has been a really long year for me so many ups and downs. This time last year I had just heard of the deal being reached by the government and I was officially vindicated, at least that was pretty much the first words that my attorney said.. They had reached a deal and now I could rest assured I was vindicated and the money would be on its way as soon as they signed the papers.. I remember I almost collapsed in the conference room I had wandered into to have some privacy .. it was the end of the day and my attorney had been trying to reach me for hours but I kept my phone on silent .. Now at the end of the work day I was finding out it was all over..

Now all I had to do was breathe.. and when I first saw the papers ..(that anniversary is coming up soon)  it said 5 days.. wow.. and those words have since been immortalized in a cleverly thought of wood ornate piece I now have setting in my curio cabinet.. forever for me to see and remember that day.. That day a year ago that I found out I could put everything behind me .. all the drama I had been living and the facts I have forever etched in my brain.. The documents to which I was just notified have been returned from the government after a year from the settlement being reached  .. all the pain and agony I had been carrying for so long I would now be able to finally put behind me ..  it was over and now.. a year later.. here I sit..

It is a cold, rainy and dreary day in Nashville, TN.. some areas have had some snow flurries but not here where I live.. just cold rain..and the temps are now dropping so not really a good thing for travelers.. It is Christmas season , Birthday season for me ..

I have had some health issues this year .. but life goes on .. or so they say and I am managing and hoping for the best.. maybe 2019 will be even a better year than 2018.. One can Only Hope..!!!

The End ..

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

So here it is the holidays ..and yes I spent Thanksgiving alone which was fine considering I didn't have to worry about fixing a huge meal..   Brit did come by and bring Jordy who wanted to stay with Nana.. She came and got her on Friday ..and Today is Saturday and I am binge watching some movies .. of course..

I imagine I will soon also be writing on my TV and movie review blog.. seems like I don't really do much these days except take my medication and sleep, with an occasional Dr. appointment to break of course.  Here it is only noon and I am already starting to get sleepy and a headache on top of that.. yep just another typical day..

I have no idea why it is no wonder I feel depressed .. my life is depressing after all .. talk later.. I'm going to go fix me something for lunch.. bye for now

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Well I know I have been horrible at keeping up my blog.. please forgive me truly it has not been my intention to fall behind.. I do try to write on one or two of my blogs and I do try to keep up with memoir writing but my intentions for the most part seem to fall apart due to chronic fatigue these days.. I also lose track of what I was doing from time to time as well.  

My concentration on completing tasks or multi-tasking is just non existent these days and I really can't say more other than I am sorry for that.. I keep thinking that someday maybe everything will just fall in place with me .. I have no idea how .. but I can still hope and pray that my life will get easier at some point .. possibly I will eventually somehow get my poor heart fixed and I will feel better.. I know plenty of people I know keep saying how they had heart surgery and they felt better than they ever did.. and all I can say is good for them.. I can only hope that may be me someday.. but for now.. all I can do is wait..

I can't even explain how disappointed I am that I sit here and as I write I have chest pain .. I took my meds so don't worry they will subside eventually.. anyway I just wanted to write and say I am still alive..

Next month I have like what seems a continuous stream of doctor appointments so I hope the weather doesn't start getting bad.. seems like the temps have really started to drop and it rains almost everyday..  I have never been a person that does well in cold weather or extremely hot.. and ..Definitely not a snow or ice type person.. I am however hoping it stays in the 60s for a long time.. not that I really go anywhere but it makes it easier to go to my doctors when it isn't so hot (or cold for that matter)..

Talk to you guys later.. The End.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

I know I haven't been very good at keeping up with my blog.. Don't judge me I have been caught up with my medical issues and I have come to accept what my doctors describe as anxiety and depression.. Trust me never thought I would ever utter those words outloud.. First thing I guess they are right I have been paralyzed with my medical conditions and the fight I have had in paying my bills, etc.. Struggling to decide what to do going forward is difficult to say the least..

So I would like to take this moment to talk about Brett Kavanaugh for one thing I have been glued to the hearings and now the confirmation.. and I have to say I was a victim to sexual violence and write about my life in my memoir however I have struggled with this issue of confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh in more than just what he did back in his high school years.. from what I witnessed during the hearing with Ms. Ford .. He was outright defensive and showed no dignity during his attack of the hearing senators.. it was shameful and is shameful at how the republicans can not see from his demeanor .. I will agree he drank obviously too much during his high school years and college.. and for all we know he still drinks too much when at home .. but moreover even if you believe he did not do what he is accused of and which I truly do believe that whether he did or not, he had the ability to do so with the testimony of the people that knew of his drinking .. but either way .. it is what he shows now as his demeanor that concerns me more than anything .. literally it was evident on his face and in his tone and words during the hearing that he has contempt for the process of investigation that is necessary to confirm him ..he talked of due process but than spoke words of anger and injustice.. when he himself knows that anyone with a drinking habit such as his could have very well done things not worthy of confirmation to the highest court.. yet this was a hearing to hear his voice as well as Ms Fords yet he vomited spite and showed at least to me that he can not hold his temper .. is this what we want in a supreme court justice .. you have to ask .. and if he can show this anger and contempt in a public forum than what is he like at home in private.. I watched his wife behind him and I prayed for her because I would bet a million dollars that in private when he gets truly angry and has too much to drink he is the type to be violent .. throw things, slams doors, vomit words if not cause her to walk on egg shells and struggle to keep her children away from viewing his anger, and lack of control..

I lived like that for years and I can honestly say I blame her for not coming out that yes he does partake in alcohol too much at times even now and his anger does get out of control.. He needs to be held to a much higher standard if he is to be confirmed and it is shameful that our country does not understand what they have done..  God forgive them for they know not what they do..

He does not have the temperament to be in our highest court.. and everyone knows it.. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Okay just wanna take time to say ..Hi everyone.. and I just delivery ..gotta remember not to do that from strange places.. because it was a big waste of money.. I ordered from la Siesta broad st Murfreesboro .. can you say greasy and cold.. very poor quality.. sad but threw most of it away
just had to sound off..

I really have been resting most of the day.. looking forward to the new show  A Million Little Things tonight on ABC.. should be a really good show from all the hype that it has had..

I know last night when the new season of   This Is Us  aired.. I felt like it was a good start to a new season.. looking forward to how the season plays out

However I can honestly say followup to Sons of Anarchy called Mayans M.C. on FX is a poor follow up to SOA.. very poor at least at this point, the whole cartel aspect is all that it has going for it.. I just loved Sons of Anarchy because it played up the biker drama that you would expect .. guns, drugs, sex and more sex not to mention drama galore.. Mayans is trying to be a break off series but other than a few cameo appearances and references to SOA .. it just has yet to keep my interest..  so stay tuned

I will be adding more soon to my   TV and Movie Reviews You can TRUST  

So stay tuned.. The End

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Okay .. I know I've not been on here.. but I haven't felt good and today is no different but since my chest pain woke me up this morning and I am sitting here waiting for my medicine to take effect I thought I would write on my blog..

Just wanna say it is discouraging to tell your doctor that your chest has been very prevalent with referred pain in the jaw and to know that if I went to the ER that they would freak and for what -- just to run a bunch of tests.. I just get so tired of everything.. gotta wait until I am for sure they will help me and finally do my heart surgery  .. I hate living alone, just depressed I guess..

Anyway don't worry I can feel the pain starting to ease..

I have started writing a few notes to my kids.. not many just wanted to leave them a few notes to tell them if anything does happen that I love them more than they will ever know.. and I hope that they will always remember that.. sounds depressing but it makes me feel better to say my thoughts on paper ..

Always has.. writing has always been a release for me .. I can only hope that my kids will somehow continue my love for writing and start blogging after I am gone.. perhaps a blog to still talk to me ..sharing their lives through words..

I think it would be unique and who knows maybe it will go viral..

I also need to do more reviews on my favorite TV and movies.. today..

I will try to write more later.. The End

Monday, August 27, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Well.. I guess you might have been wondering where I have been .. I haven't been anywhere ..just depressed I guess..

I even told my doctor..I feel as though this waiting thing for benefits has been weighing on me.. Even if I was to try and go back to work I can never be totally truthful..what am I supposed to do express to a new job that I have a blockage in my heart and may need to take off more than average if I am feeling bad . the list is endless of my medical complaints..  fatigue, brain fog, blood sugars fluctuations.. stomach pain.. chest pain... just too many complaints..

so yeah I am depressed, my doc who is a female said hang in there .. I deserve benefits and will eventually get them but it is a process and she knows how hard it must be.. I told her it is harder to know that I have to use money I didn't want to use and she told me it will be okay.. she will keep me in her prayers..

I also told her how awful short term (Prudential) has been to me .. what awful things were written in my medical report I received... She said she knows how they make it seem is awful .. but we (both her and me) know it is untrue.. She said we both know I have dealt with so much over the years and there is no correlation between one complaint and another..  terrible insurance people are only out to keep their money instead of paying out to deserving claimants..She told me to call State Insurance Examiner on them..

Anyway I'm depressed.. and I am just here .. haven't been online much but I am still here.. just wanted to say I need everyone's prayers.. and a good swift kick to get out of this slump.. I haven't even cleaned my apartment in a few days..

talk to you later.. The End

Friday, August 17, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Hi everyone.. well its been another day, I've been just sitting taking it easy of course.. cooking my dinner right now.. was recently told my A1C (sugar) has dropped to 8 .. which is good for me

I have no idea what is on TV tonight but I will probably work on my movie reviews tonight.. I don't think that blog has really taken off yet.. so if you get a chance to check it out please do..

It is relatively new and definitely a work in progress but it brings me enjoyment and I'm sure you know due to my health conditions .. anything that brings me a little happiness is a good thing..

I will write more later.. The End

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Taking One Day At A Time

Okay so it is almost 2:30 am and most nights I might be struggling to get to sleep but tonight a little less than an hour ago I was sleeping soundly when I heard a knock at my door, three or so taps .. definite knocks but not in anyway banging.. my dog went berserk and I of course jumped from my sound sleep.. heart racing ..and scared to death..

You see I live in an apartment complex and just today there was some kind of situation here and the cops swarmed the area.. I didn't see them but others told me about it ..

Anyway I always have the hall light on and usually bathroom as well.. my first thought was to look out the peephole ..(trust me my first thought was definitely not to open the door .. I know better)..

My dog was starting to quiet down but I gave it a second before I looked out the peephole ( I thought if they were seeing light inside when I tried to look out the light would be blocked for a second or two) .. in any case I didn't see anyone when I looked through the peephole

I called the police..after all I had my cell grasped firmly in my hand the minute the knock woke me up.. I knew if I called them it would make me feel more comforted especially if I knew they were in the area..  I listened after reporting the incident and waiting for the police to show up at my door..

When the police did come by they said someone else had just heard knocks on their door the next street over and when they shouted at them through the door the person said that he was locked out of his home .. the police said they would continue to drive around the area.. and warned me definitely not to open the door to anyone...
I assured them I wouldn't  ..

They said it is usually a test to see if someone is home and in many cases it can be a good thing to shout through the door .. as long as you don't open it .. but my dog was a good deterrent .. sometimes being quiet can lead to them think no one is home..

I said goodnight and thanked them and locked up .. so here I sit.. damn..I have had this happen once before I think it was last year ..and I can't remember what I did.. I know I didn't call the police..Brain foggy.. or maybe just old ..can't even remember things the way I once did..

Here is hoping I can lay back down.. Good Night  The End