Taking One Day At A Time

My life is complicated I just want to make that clear.. I feel like I am literally falling apart..  I will admit I am depressed, stressed, and anxious.. (at least that is what people keep telling me) I know I am dealing with pain in my legs.. along with all the other issues that I have had for some time now.. heart, diabetes..breathing etc etc.. however my eyes are continuing to get worse..and I'm not stupid I do know that my diabetes plays a big part of that.. but I just continue to feel overwhelmed after all I still haven't received anything so I am living on savings.. I try to keep up with all my insurance issues.. and doctor appointments.. I also try to remember things and with my memory a little off now that is even a struggle.. half the time I make calendar notes to keep me focused and than start feeling bad and just don't want to get up and do anything.. Now I really do sound like a whiner.. I guess..

For example I need to take trash out and I don't even want to do that.. some days are better than other days and I guess today is just a bad day.. I make myself feel bad for even being like this.. I get disgusted that I can remember not so long ago when I felt better.. at least it doesn't seem like that long ago.. I remember when I moved here back in 2014 I felt some aches and pains.. and yes I knew my blood pressure was out of control..and my blood sugar was up but back then I wasn't on insulin.. I didn't have my blockage.. I wasn't going to 6 doctors.. I didn't ache all over and didn't have fatigue and eyesight problems to this degree.. so literally in 5 years here I am feeling whatever you want to call it.. depressed, hopelessness, down-hearted .. pick whatever ..

Not to mention sometimes I think that if I had never moved .. well maybe things would be different for me .. maybe better .. of course just as easily it could be worse..

Truth is sometimes I think it doesn't much matter either way .. I feel like this cloud is hanging over me .. and I just don't feel like my life is going to get any better..