Monday, July 22, 2013

Taking One Day At A Time

I miss Angie today.. sitting here really has its good points but the bad is that I am all alone for hours on end.. and nobody ever comes in or calls except maybe the occasional delivery man .. gets to be exhausting and it wouldn't be so bad if I could simply say .. listen I will turn the phones over to my phone at lunch so I can at least get out of the office, let my dog out, pickup the mail, grab a cup of coffee .. and a bite to eat somewhere.. I will only be gone about 30 mins but that will give me a break in the day from just sitting.. but I can't I am glued to this chair.. and so here I sit.. lol..

SAD really SAD .. I have always loved my job and I know I make a living at it.. but at what cost to my health is the thing.. as well as .. it's just not fair that I have this much stress to contend with.. but here I sit.. thankful that at least I have a job and hoping that in the end I will be okay.. no matter what happens.. I will be okay make it through this..  Loving my actual job is one thing.. Loving the way I'm treated is a totally different issue..

My life is in turmoil consistently and almost always has been but I try.. which is all anyone can do.. is try.. afterall picking myself up and dusting away the pain and hurt that I've felt is all I have ever done.. I just try to remember somewhere out there has to be peace for me .. happiness and love.. RIGHT?

I have to admit though the love thing has tarnished a little over the years and now I guess I don't really see that happening for me .. as far as the happiness thing.. that has fallen away as well .. I don't think it's ever been in the cards for me to be happy.. for whatever reason .. that is just not how the cards have ever been dealt for me.. but at least I have my grandbabies and I hope that I am going to be here to see them grow up and start lives of their own..

So I guess it would be peace that I continue to strive for the most.. peace that I can someday find in life.. being able to live out my last few years knowing that I survived through everything dealt to me somehow coming out the other side..

I hope to write another book someday.. a sequel about where I've been and finding that peace within my soul.. a book about recovery and what I've learned in life about taking responsibility for the things I've done and the roads I've taken .. in some way maybe putting the things I've learned about myself, the choices that I have made and soul searching I've done .. will ultimately give me the peace I've been searching for..

I will write more later.. WML

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