Taking One Day At A Time

Sitting here still on this computer why I have no idea, definitely need to be resting probably.. but my chest is feeling so heavy .. don't feel like I could really lay down without not being able to breathe..

sick sick sick

Anyway.. I was just sitting here listening to music and isn't it funny how songs remind you of times gone by .. my mind just wonders especially when I am sick ..

I definitely have to work on my finishing my memoirs .. so much to say and in the end I would like to leave my story after all it is my life.. my history.. and what made me who I am ..

In the end after I am gone it will show both the good and bad of who I was and I am okay with that .. because maybe it will help someone not make the same mistakes .. or not stop holding on to their sanity, hopes, and dreams ..and isn't that what ever person hopes they leave behind in this world for others.. a story that hopefully saves them from repeating the wrong paths in life .. helps them hold on when life feels like a ledge that their fingers barely have a grasp on ..

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
And I see fire
Hollowing souls
And I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me

source: I See Fire by Ed Sheeran

Life .. Something that everyone is given .. where every path you take impacts your destiny ..every wrong is like a scar you will carry with you for eternity .. and even with the best intentions most everyone in this world will never make every right turn.(after all we are only human), but ultimately our goals, hopes and dreams are defined by the choices and paths we have chosen along the way.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

source: Say Something - A Great Big World 

 

Love.. Something that we all strive to have in our lives but in the end seems all to fleeting .. However looking back every person should remember love is not something you can force, not something that can be held captive .. but something given freely

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

source: A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

Happiness.. Something that can mean many different things depending on who you ask.  In the dictionary it is described as a feeling of well being, contentment, something that provides enjoyment.

I must admit over the course of my life it was something I searched for desperately..  and it is something I think most of us hope to find.. such as to be happy in life.. happy in love.. and so forth.. In the end I have come to the realization that happiness is what you ultimately make from within yourself.. Such as one can either sink or swim.. drown or choose to rise above it all .. I have many times thought that was one of my biggest mistakes in life.. searching for something I ultimately had all along..

I think now that happiness is not something you can find.. such as in a person or thing.. Money doesn't buy happiness and neither does finding that certain someone ..there is no gold at the end of a rainbow .. but instead happiness is being able to hold your head up .. finding joy in what you have (no matter how small) ..forgiving yourself and finding happiness on who you have become.. 

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

source: Try - Colbie Caillat

The End..