Friday, September 17, 2010

Okay catch up time.. wow..what a difference a month makes

Taking One Day At A Time

Well lets see right I've never talked about anyone I was seeing much on here because for a long time things had not been going well. We were more like room-mates than the normal relationship definition. He went his way and me mine, with occasional companionship on the side.. but when I say companionship I don't mean in the sexual context. Actually we were abstinent for many years, he just never wanted to and I eventually never asked. Some relationship huh? Anyway.. I can't deny that over time we had history together and it didn't start as a abstinent relationship but somewhere it became one. Anyway.. I had decided intimacy was not necessary if you cared about the person, you would make it work.

But earlier this year he had a severe pain in his chest and was complaining of tingling, numbness and other various complaints. I told him we had better get him up to the hospital so we could run some tests he could be having a heart attack, well low and behold .. the hospital I work at comes in the room and asks me to step outside and of course me being a nurse for so long knew they were going to tell him something private so it must be drug connected or STD connected. Well he asked for me and one of my fellow nurses explained he came back with Cocaine in his blood. Cocaine.. are you kidding me.. how could I have missed it, the speedy side effects, come down tiredness, fatigue. I tried to resign myself that I just never would have thought he would be doing illegal drugs. Yes he had abused Xanax in the past or Vicodin but cocaine, how crazy is that.

So he asked me what now. I said well it will be lucky if your job doesn't find out since it will be on your medical records and he has the type of insurance that may find out fairly soon.

So he insisted on leaving the ER and going to another one to be reevaluated for the chest pain which I told him had to be related to his stupidity of doing cocaine at his age. He is fifty by the way and evidently a complete idiot. Well his mother took him to a step up hospital that is about 45 min away and they found a 95% blockage in his heart, wow doing cocaine with a blockage he is lucky to be alive and in a way he was a ticking timebomb.

so .. I will write more later gotta do some nursing now. Needless to say our relationship so to speak was over years ago and I guess after finding out all this I finally realized it had been, not only had I been living in a sexless relationship for years but he was evidently just using me for a long time and living a lie of drug abuse that I just couldn't see from the "fog". I had been so desperate not to be alone in life that I had made what could be best described as a "fog" or blanket to cover up that our relationship was no more.

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