Thursday, March 4, 2010

Pain Is Something You Can't Intangible

Here I sit I woke up in excruciating pain, my head bursting off my shoulders. I took my migraine medicine and have stripped down and taken a hot steamy bath and used my saline wash along with massaging my head and neck. Okay so now what my head feels a slight decrease in pain however what time is it and I can't take the chance that laying back down and drifting off will refresh my headache so I have to stay up and nurse it until it is completely gone so that I can go to work today.

Sometimes and you can't imagine how many times I think to myself, "Why, do I deserve this excruciating incapasitating pain almost daily." After all it has been what seems like a lifetime that I have been dealing with these headaches. I'm a nurse and have fought with doctors for over twenty years on my pain, it isn't fair trust me. I maybe a smart woman but I can't help myself, it is frustrating.

The title I put for this entry is PAIN IS SOMETHING INTANGIBLE - which means for someone like myself nobody can imagine how the pain feels, as a nurse we always ask on a scale of 1-10 how painful is your pain and most people who are suffering from say a back injury will say something like 9 or 10 meaning they are in severe pain. So if someone was to ask me I would say 50 and not jokingly. My pain is indescribable, it is sickening. It makes me want to stab my brain with a syringe in suck out the pounding filling that seems to be filling my skull pushing in on my brain matter. At times I sit and try to close my eyes and envision my brain cavity as a dam whereas the gates have been opened and the pain is starting to pour from my cavity and flood out relieving the pressure. However it only last a second before reality takes over and the reflex system takes over and I have to breathe or my own heartbeat breaks the imaginary out of body feeling and the pounding sensation of pure torture is back overtaking what little relief I had felt.

God help me. I can't talk anymore I have to get something to drink and shut my eyes again. Bye for now.

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